June
(A warm liminal space post-Denial)
I dropped off the weight for you.
I wrapped it in cloth and truth.
It was burning a hole in my pocket
after pounding the pavement in June.
I stopped the clock on you,
wilted by heat and sonic perfume.
A wall of words that I couldn’t see through
in the warmth of the pavement in June.
I dropped off the weight and grew
away from the wall to the west of you.
I smelled like truth and your shampoo
in the warmth of the pavement in June.
Amends
(Self-mercy and accountability after an era of Anger)
I felt you under my breath…
Somewhere,
somewhere you are out there
breathing.
That’s all that I really know.
A memory:
I stumbled, I’d been drinking.
I couldn’t stand to be seen.
A memory,
a bar in the Old City,
too haunted to hope.
I felt you under my breath…
In my 20’s,
filled with piss and pining,
filled with limerence and grieving
leaving my body at the door.
A memory:
afraid of all your victories,
I stumbled on my words.
I was angry,
and in you I made an enemy –
I didn’t mean to
I’m sorry.
I felt you under my breath,
growling, mewling in my chest.
A fountain of youth I whetted then left.
Regret is a wily muse, but I’ll name it out
loud.
Raven’s Song
(Bargaining with a demon of self-destruction)
Raven’s Song,
I’m stilling hanging on.
I hold a torch for a devil,
I saw his eyes.
I hold a torch for a devil
and the burning won’t die.
Raven’s Song,
I’m stilling hanging on.
I’ll take the torch to the river
in the dead of night.
I’ll take the torch to the river,
that blinding burning light.
Raven’s Song,
I’m stilling hanging on.
I will drown in the river to snuff its life.
Drowning in the river to stay alive.
Raven’s Song,
I’m stilling hanging on.
Solitude
(An ode to Depression unearthed at the onset of pestilence)
My name it means nothing
My fortune is less
My future is shrouded in dark wilderness
Sunshine is far away, clouds linger on
Everything I possessed – now they are gone
O where can I go to and what can I do?
Nothing can please me only thoughts are of you
You just laughed when I begged you to stay
I've not stopped crying since you went away
The world is a lonely place – you're on your own
Guess I will go home – sit down and moan.
Crying and thinking is all that I do
Memories I have remind me of you
The Throne
(A mercurial mind grappling with the Acceptance of a helping hand, an open heart, and a kind love)
The Throne of a siren song
becoming me.
And I know that it won’t be long.
Come find me.
He’s peaceful and fast asleep,
I’m drowning.
And I know that it won't be long.
Come find me.
Lead me.
Lead me to the dock and
wrap me round the ankles,
throw me in a water
that I can’t afford to drink.
I think we’ll have a daughter
and name her by his father.
I’m so afraid of the water
that I can’t afford to think.
Lead me to the dock and
lock me round the ankles,
I’m bleeding and I’m honest –
what if I can’t breathe?
“I think we’ll have another”
is something I can’t suffer.
I’ve suffered and I’ve suffered and
his hand is helping me.
The Throne.
Cut me from the dock and
lift me from the water,
my mind is untoward
and it sends me out to sea.
I love him, oh I love him,
I kissed him round the ankles,
I nuzzled at his skirts
as he pulled me from the sea.
He took me to his garden
wild with reeds and Chardon.
He took me to his Throne
and he sat down beside me.
The water was below him,
it pooled around this Throne and
I’m so used to being alone now,
what if I can’t breathe?
The Throne.
Credits
Gillian Stone – vocals, guitars, bass, synthesizers
Michael Peter Olsen – e-cello, synthesizers
Spencer Cole – drums, electronic percussion and additional synthesizers on “Raven’s Song”
All songs written by Gillian Stone (SOCAN) except “Solitude”, written by Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward © 1971. Used with permission from Essex Music International Inc.
Produced by Michael Peter Olsen and Gillian Stone in Uncomfortable Silence in Toronto.
Engineered and mixed by Michael Peter Olsen.
Electric guitar on “The Throne” and drums recorded at Union Sound Company, engineered by Chris Stringer and assisted by Darren McGill.
Electronic percussion and additional synthesizers on “Raven’s Song” recorded by Spencer Cole.
Mastered by David Travers-Smith.
Art direction by Gillian Stone.
Photography by Joel Gale and assisted by Danielle Fried.
Album cover designed at the Church of the Unholy Cacophony by John M. Hall and Gillian Stone.
MADE IN CANADA ℗ & © 2022 Gillian Stone. All rights reserved.
This project was made possible by the generous support of the Canada Council for the Arts, the Ontario Arts Council, FACTOR, the Government of Canada, and Canada’s Private Radio Broadcasters.